


Play Pretend

by swritings



Series: Play Pretend [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Action & Romance, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Mutual Pining, Pining, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-05-18 14:46:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14854787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swritings/pseuds/swritings
Summary: In order to accomplish your mission Bucky and you have to pretend to be married. With unknown feelings brought into play, how will it affect the mission and your friendship?





	1. Chapter 1

“We have suspicions that a couple in this town,” Steve pointed to the huge screen behind him, “has ties to the crime organisation KIRA. We are worried they might be planning an attack.”

The meeting room was filled with all the Avengers and Steve who was assigning new missions.

Steve grabbed two files, “Here is everything we know about them. Y/N and Bucky,” you straightened up at the sound of your name, “you will be going on an undercover mission. All further information is also in the files. You leave in 2 days.”

Steve threw the files over the table in your directions before moving on to the next mission.

You quickly flipped through the files to get an idea of what the mission entailed. Essentially what you would have to do was pretend to be married and gain the couple’s trust and figure out what they were planning.

You glanced over at Bucky trying to access how he felt about this but all you got was a brief unknown emotion quickly replaced by a reticent look. You didn’t know what you hoped to see, but not being able to read him threw you off. Hopefully, he wasn’t cursing Steve out in his mind for assigning the two of you on the same mission.

“Dismissed.” Steve ended the meeting and you let the thought slide as you left the room.

The day had passed by in the blink of an eye and the halls were lit up with bright fluorescent lights that made your tired eyes squint in pain. You hurried into your own room, quickly slipping out of your workwear grabbing an oversized shirt laying nearby. You grabbed the file, slid under the duvet covers, and were ready to study it until you knew everything by heart.

You would be going undercover as Lisa Wright, a 24-year-old, known for being charitable and always volunteering at events. Bucky would be going undercover as Jared Wright. The recently married Lisa and Jared were currently trying for a baby and had decided that moving to the suburbs would be the best environment for a family.  

Pretending to love someone would forever be one of the hardest parts of going undercover. People were quick to notice, subconsciously, if something was off. You had to sell the act or else everything would fail.

You read the next page of the file containing all the information they had gathered on the couple so far. Amy and Daniel Williams had moved to the town two years earlier from an unknown location. Further information about their lives could not be found suspiciously. They were involved in all of the town’s events and had quickly snaked their way into the town community. It was now up to Bucky and you to gather more information that could possibly incriminate them.

***

The next day was spent preparing to leave. Furniture and other knick-knacks were taken care of for you and would arrive with you to the house. All you had to do was to fill some suitcases with enough clothes that would look realistic. You packed the usual housewife clothes like summer dresses, knowing you would have to blend in. Sifting through the clothes you had been sent took longer than expected and by the time you were done it was already evening.

“Who’s ready to eat some pizza?” Wanda and Nat didn’t wait for you to open the door but let themselves right in. Wanda carried two large boxes of pizza and threw them down in front you before gracefully sitting down on the armchair. Natasha came in seconds later carrying a bottle of wine and three glasses.

“I guess I am.” you laughed helping Natasha put down the glasses on the small table before sitting down on the couch. You reached out to open the bottle pouring the liquid into the glasses. 

Working top secret missions and risking your lives on a daily basis took a toll on you. Friends weren’t something you got easily, the worry that they would be targeted stopped most of you from forming any. The girls had been a pleasant surprise and nights like these could almost make you feel like a normal woman.

“So what does your mission entail?” Wanda asked curiously. 

You took a sip of your glass before answering, “I have to pretend to be married to Bucky so we can gather information.”

Natasha raised her eyebrow smirking over the rim of her glass. “Bucky, huh?”

“Stop, don’t make it something it isn’t.”

“The two of you do look awfully close…” Wanda added remembering all the times she walked in on the two of you sitting close laughing together. 

“We’re just friends. Good friends.”

 _“Very_ good friends, indeed.” Nat didn’t miss the flush that crept over your neck as you grabbed a piece of pizza trying to change the subject. 

“What about you guys?” The girls let the topic lie, letting you off the hook for now.

You spent a few hours just catching up with the girls and relaxing before it was time for bed. Tomorrow you would be in a completely different town pretending to be someone else possibly endangering your life. When you would be back was unknown but hopefully, it would be soon.

The house looked like it came directly out of a movie with its white picket fence and gorgeous garden. The surrounding houses looked exactly the same and fit the picturesque town.

“Where do you want this?” One of the men helping you move pointed to the couch. 

“Oh, just in here.” You lead the way showing him to the living room. You were almost finished getting the larger furniture into the house so you started unboxing the boxes to the kitchen. 

Bucky was currently upstairs assembling your new bed. The bed the two of you would be sharing. Sleeping in together. Oh boy. The girls might have been correct about the two of you being close. But this would bring you into entirely new territory.

The house started to look put together after a few intense hours of unboxing. There was still some boxes left but those would have to wait till tomorrow. The downstairs was almost done and just needed a few personal touches.

“Doll, are you ready to eat? I made us dinner,” Bucky asked sticking his head around the corner so he could look at you. 

You followed him through the kitchen to the small dining room. “You made lasagna?” you exclaimed delightfully.

“You told me once it was your favourite,” He shrugged casually.

“I can’t believe you remembered” You gave him a soft smile, “Shall we?”

You both sat down and Bucky began cutting into the lasagna. You gave him your plate silently and soon the two of you were eating peacefully.

“I saw a few curious neighbours looking through their windows when I was outside,” Bucky said. 

“Well, they probably haven’t seen new faces in a while,” you wiped your mouth carefully with a napkin. 

“It is a small town, “ Bucky agreed, “I’m sure tomorrow someone will come knocking.”

You hummed, “This is probably the last night we can be ourselves without having to worry about being bugged.”

“Well, let’s enjoy it then.” He raised his glass in cheers. 

“To a night with no worries.” You repeated clinking your glasses together.

The rest of the night was uneventful. Bucky somehow got the TV to work so you spent a few hours watching a movie before you decided it was time for bed.

“I’m gonna go to bed,” you told Bucky getting up from the couch. 

“I’ll be up soon,” he responded.

You changed into some of the nightwear you brought with you and after finishing your nightly routine you slid into the newly made bed. By the time Bucky joined you were already half asleep.

“Goodnight, doll,” he whispered putting the duvet that had slid off over you again. He paused for a moment before you felt his hand brush some hair back. He laid back down with a sigh. Tomorrow all your troubles would begin and hopefully, you would both come out of it unscathed.


	2. Chapter 2

During the night Bucky and you had moved around somehow becoming entrapped in each other’s limbs. Your head was resting on his chest with his arm holding you tightly. “Bucky?” you whispered. He was sleeping soundly; he probably hadn’t had a good nights sleep in a while and didn’t even twitch when you spoke. A bit unusual for the former assassin but you took it as a compliment that he felt safe enough with you. You pushed his arm several times until his grip finally loosened enough to let you slip under. “Finally,” you muttered. 

Today was the day you would have to go all in. Amy and Daniel would according to the files be going to an event held at the church; a perfect opportunity to get close and eventually gain their trust. The first impression would mean everything. 

You found a blue flowery summer dress from one of the unpacked boxes along with a grey cardigan and some nice grey heels. After a refreshing shower, you looked awake and like you fit right in.

Since Bucky was kind enough to make dinner last night, you decided to cook breakfast for the two of you. The fridge was almost empty, only containing some bacon and eggs; you would have to go grocery shopping later, but for now, it would work. Just as you were about finished Bucky stumbled downstairs. “I made breakfast,” you said putting the bacon down on two plates along with some toast.

“Thanks, doll,” he said kissing your cheek quickly before grabbing his plate. You grabbed your plate with flushed cheeks and followed him into the dining room, “What was that for?”

“We have to sell the act of being in love, right?” He shovelled toast into his mouth swallowing before continuing, “and our nosy neighbours were looking through the kitchen window.” Ah, that made more sense. You got a weird feeling in your chest at his words but it quickly disappeared so you shrugged it off.

You ate the rest of the meal in comfortable silence; the only sounds coming from your eating and Bucky flicking through the newspaper. Without realising it you were staring at him. He had cleaned up well doing his best to look right for the mission; he even went as far as to cut his hair. You wouldn’t lie you missed his long hair but the soft looking shorter strands were tempting to run your hands through.

“Who that could be?” Bucky wondered breaking you out of your thoughts.

“Sorry?”

“At the door. I wonder who could be at the door.” He stood up brushing crumbs off his lap before extending a hand to you. ”Shall we go look?” You nodded accepting his hand and walking out the door together.

You opened the door with a smile running your eyes over the couple standing in front of you.

“Hi, we’re Amy and Daniel Williams. We live just across the street and we couldn’t help but notice the new faces,” Amy introduced the two of them with a bright smile. 

Bucky rested his hand rest lightly on your lower back as he greeted them, his presence comforting. “It’s nice to meet you,” you smiled back trying to assess as much as you could about them. Amy wore a similar outfit to you and had her honey blonde hair tied up in a ponytail; her own natural brown roots were starting to show slightly. Most people wouldn’t have noticed, but you were after all a spy trained to notice minuscule details. Daniel wore a brown sweater, almost matching his hair. He had large glasses on that you were doubtful he really needed. Daniel didn’t seem to be a man of many words and instead, his eyes seemed to roam around inquisitively

“We actually just wanted to invite you to the event the church is holding later. We are packing boxes for elderly with things the local kids have made. It’s just a simple thing so they don’t feel forgotten and unappreciated,” Amy explained.

“That so nice. We’ll definitely come by!” You smiled. 

“Great, we’ll see you there.”

***

An hour later found you and Bucky in the church packing boxes. “I’m so glad to see you guys here!” Amy exclaimed as she walked up to the table.

“Oh, hi Amy,” you faked your surprise when in reality you had your eye on her the minute she walked in. “Where’s Daniel?”

“Oh, he had to take a call. He’ll be here soon.” Amy flustered before regaining her composure. Both you and Bucky knew that meant he was probably fiddling around the house and bugging the house.

“I’ll be back in a minute. I’m just gonna bring these boxes out to the front.” Bucky kissed your cheek, squeezing your hand before lifting a few boxes. His arms bulged at the weight and made you sigh unconsciously.

“How long have you been together?” Amy said breaking your little daydream.

“3 years,” you began putting things down into the boxes again, “and newly married.” You raised your left hand smiling.

“Ah, that definitely explains why he looks at you like you’re the only thing in the room. You guys look so in love that it’s enviable.” She winked grabbing a box and walking away. Did he really look at you that way? Could that mean- no, he was probably just acting. 

You quickly found some other volunteers and engaged in some small talk with them trying to discretely pry information out them, attempting to forget her words and focus on the reason why you were here.

“Well, sometimes they act a bit odd,” a middle-aged woman whispered.

“Yeah, I’ve seen them walking out at night and first returning in the morning,” another woman butted in.

“But we do appreciate their willingness to help this town out and help organise church events,” the woman tried to smooth things out fearing she might have said the wrong things. 

You agreed with her statement, whilst your mind was pondering over what they could be up to that late at night.


	3. Chapter 3

To any onlookers, it might have looked like the two of you were whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears on your way home. You had a tight grip on Bucky’s arm, walking close to him; personal space wasn’t a concern at this moment. Your slightly reddened faces certainly backed it up, however, it wasn’t the words spoken but the closeness that made your faces heat up. What the onlookers didn’t hear was the quiet discussion of information shared between the two of you. It was disguised so well, that an elderly woman even turned to say to her husband: “They look just like us when we were young and still in that honeymoon phase.”

After a near stumble over a small crack in the pavement, the couple looked away giving you your privacy, smiling at the sound of laughter.

“The other women told me they go out at night and only come back in the morning,” you told Bucky after you stopped giggling.

“We should find out what they’re up to without revealing our true colours. We gotta find a way into that house,” his mouth breathing warm puffs closely to your neck was already difficult enough but when he accidentally brushed his lips against your earlobe, you almost sighed aloud. You caught yourself at the last moment, but the electricity still shot through your body.

You agreed and moved on to what you were gonna do when you got home to not raise suspicion. If there were hidden cameras, you would really have to up your game and never let your guard down. Easy enough, you thought sarcastically.

***

Days later you had grown accustomed to the small things Bucky would do. It had become a tradition that you, the early riser, cooked breakfast and that he each morning with no fail would thank you with a kiss to the cheek, that fell closer and closer to your lips.  It was your turn to give him a kiss when he left for work, and the huge smile adorned his face after always made you blush.

Your favourite thing was when it hit the afternoon and he would hold you close as you watched TV. He would unconsciously caress your body; fingers always touching you in some way. It was times like these where you could almost pretend that it was for real and that this was your life. You tried to wrap yourself in a cocoon, keeping out the fact that there was a possible life-threatening situation at hand, and that it was your job to take care of it. But you also tried to keep out the fact that Bucky didn’t like you this way and that every little touch was all an act to fool the Williams and throw them off your trail.

The house actually started to look lived in with decorations and other homely clutter filling the space. You had also put up pictures of the two of you; Natasha had apparently taken loads when you weren’t aware. There was one of the time you convinced the team to go ice-skating; Bucky didn’t wanna do it at first but you coerced him out on the ice with a promise of watching his favourite movie together, and a man raced by pushing you hard enough that you fell pulling Bucky down with you. Natasha managed to catch the aftermath; the two of you bundled up together, laughing.

Another picture was of the time you had a few drinks with the team. Bucky couldn’t get drunk, but you weren’t one to stray from the opportunity to forget your responsibilities for a moment. You were in the midst of telling some story when she snapped the photo. And according to her Bucky was looking at you lovingly. “That man is so in love with you that it’s almost vomit-inducing.”

Your favourite picture was out in the hallway. It was taken the day, Bucky surprised you by taking you out to a fair. He had, after noticing you shivering, lent you his jacket (that you couldn’t resist sniffing at the time), and was telling you about how it used to be when he was young when a photographer came by and convinced the two of you to get your picture taken. The end result was absolutely gorgeous. Bucky had an arm around your shoulders and you an arm around his waist; the two of you laughing, smiling widely at each other. The Ferris wheel was in the background with its blurry blinking lights in different colours, bringing it all together.

“Baby, I’m home,” Bucky announced loosening his tie on the way in, “I met Amy Williams on the way in. She invited us over tonight.”

“Alright, we better bring them a nice bottle of wine or something.” You continued folding the newly dried clothes in front of you. He hummed, leaning down to place a kiss on the top of your head. “I’ll find something.”

***

Your blue dress swivelled around your legs with each step towards the Williams house. A gun was carefully holstered to your thigh, not noticeable to the naked eye; a necessary precaution. As you neared the house, Bucky’s grip on your hand tightened in a silent plea to be careful. He let go of your hand to press the doorbell before resting it on the lower part of your back.

“Hi, we’re so happy you could join us tonight,” Amy opened the door waving the two of you inside.

“Thank you for the invitation,” you smiled as Bucky handed over the bottle of red wine to Daniel. “Oh, you shouldn’t have!” Amy’s smile couldn’t have been wider, Daniel nodding in agreement but still eyeing the bottle appreciatively.

The four of you made pleasant small talk before Amy had to get the food out of the oven. “I’ll help you,” you said standing up before she could object. You left Bucky alone with Daniel hoping he could get something useful out of the conversation.

As you walked into the kitchen you discretely inspected every room on the way looking for suspicious things. “Thank you for helping me, it’s always nice having someone around who actually helps.” Amy bent down to take the chicken out of the oven, the skin glistening in the light.

“I’m guessing Daniel doesn’t help you much?” you said grabbing the vegetables and started cutting them into pieces. This conversation could do wonders for you in learning about their lives.

She huffed, “More like never. All he does is sit in his chair and watch TV whenever he isn’t working, eating or sleeping.” She began cooking the potatoes on the stove as she complained. “I’m sorry for laying this on you. I just haven’t had a chance to talk about this to anyone.”

“No worries, it’s always nice to get something off your chest.” you poured the newly cut vegetables into the salad bowl.

“What about your man? Is he like Daniel?” She stirred the potatoes making sure they wouldn’t burn before looking at you curiously. You smiled slightly thinking about Bucky, “No, he’s actually very helpful.” She looked at you shocked and you quickly added, “I mean, I do have to ask him a few times to clean the dishes but he will eventually do it.” The two of you chuckled.

“I wish Daniel was more like him,” she said enviously, “You are seriously lucky and I hope you don’t mind me saying but he is so handsome!” For some reason her words rubbed you wrong, the thought of her looking at Bucky that way didn’t feel quite right. You swallowed the feeling knowing it would only do harm to confront her and it’s not like you actually had the right. He wasn’t technically yours.

“He really is.” You agreed. She laughed moving the pan off the stove and finishing the meal. Tonight he looked especially dashing. He had cleaned up nicely wearing a blue dress shirt and a pair of fitting black jeans.

You started bringing the food into the dining room setting it all up. “Dinner’s ready,” Amy yelled getting the attention of the men sitting in the room across.

Dinner went well and by the end of the evening, you could see that they were both relaxed. You had successfully lulled them into thinking you were harmless and that they were safe.

“Once again, thank you for inviting us,” you shrugged on your coat in the hallway.

“It was our pleasure. We should do this again.” Amy said leaning into Daniel’s side.

“Definitely. Maybe at our house next time.” You exchanged your goodbye’s before leaving their house.

Bucky instantly grabbed your waist pulling you in close. You both knew they were watching but the fear of them finding you out had diminished.

“I managed to put a few bugs around the house without Daniel noticing,” Bucky said.

“I guess, we’ll just have to wait until they say something incriminating.” You slowed your steps knowing that once you reached the house they’d be able to hear every word. “I did see a closed door; the only one closed in the entire house. That might be where they hide their skeletons.”

“Let’s just take it one step at a time. No need to make them suspicious of us again.”

You hummed in agreement as you reached the door. You could sleep well tonight, knowing that you were a step further in accomplishing the mission.


	4. Chapter 4

Nothing special was heard through the bugs placed in the Williams household since leaving them; small arguments, mindless chatter and the occasional sound of loud music was all that flickered through.

So you continued living life in the suburbs; Bucky went to work and you played the part of a dutiful housewife taking care of all chores. It was becoming so comfortable that you at times had to shake yourself and remember the mission that you were sent on. After all, you were not here to live in a dream world with Bucky but rather prevent people from dying. 

The sky was lit up with different hues of warm orange and night time was closing in. Bucky’s hand had a tight grip on yours, his thumb rubbing soft circles as you walked along the road. The slightly chilly wind was making you seek the warmth radiating from his body.

“How can you not be cold when only wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt?” you complained making him chuckle. 

“’Cause I’ve got you to keep me warm,” he grinned pulling you in close, “and maybe because I forgot my jacket…” He dropped his arm from your shoulders locking fingers again.  

“Well, who’s stupid now?”

“At least I didn’t forget my keys inside the house and got locked out.” he humphed. 

You laughed, ”Lucky I’ve got such a lovely husband who’s willing to come home from work and open the door for me.” The word husband rolled right of your tongue, neither of you noticing that you were alone and that there technically was no need for pretending. 

“Very lucky!” He grinned squeezing your hand affectionately. You were currently walking home from your weekly date night. You went to a nice restaurant having a romantic candlelit dinner; Bucky was the perfect gentleman even going as far as to pull out your chair. You hated admitting it but Wanda and Natasha were right about Bucky. You did have feelings for him. 

The epiphany happened some days ago on a simple afternoon. You were feeling a bit ill and not looking forward to cooking dinner but after a nap, you mustered up the strength to go down to the kitchen. The sight that met you almost made you cry in relief; Bucky had just finished setting the table, complete with food, and gestured for you to take a seat. His compassion and thoughtfulness set a flurry of emotions and thoughts into motion. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted a figure turning down an alley. The large glasses were a sure give away for Daniel Williams. This could be what the other ladies at the church event was talking about. It did seem sketchy that he was out on his own late at night, in a part of town that wasn’t that close to his home. 

Bucky had also noticed him and you silently agreed on following him. You kept your footsteps light as you neared the alley. You peeked over the corner observing Daniel and another person exchanging words and finally Daniel grabbing something out of the other man’s hand and putting it in his pocket. He looked around suspiciously before they shook hands. He began walking towards where he entered and you quickly surveyed the area for places to hide. The road was mostly empty and the few cars that were around, were too far away for the two of you to reach. 

You needed to think of something quick. Bucky stood in front of you similar thoughts running through his head. You could hear Daniel’s footsteps nearing and the panic started to flow through your body before your training kicked in. Keeping a cool head you looked up at Bucky whispering, “Trust me.” Without any warning, you surged forward locking your lips. He grunted in surprise but soon wrapped his arms around your waist moving his lips in time with yours. His soft lips felt better than imagined and when his tongue gently nudged your bottom lip, your mouth opened on its own accord. You explored each other’s mouths so lost in the kiss that you almost missed the sound of Daniel sneaking away, dismissing you as a PDA loving couple lost in their own worlds.  

You pulled back both breathing heavily and you wanted nothing more than to connect your mouths again. You looked into his eyes for a few seconds as you regained your breath and reality set in. 

“Seems like he bought it,” you whispered dropping your gaze to look at his kiss-swollen lips. You could only cross your fingers and hope that he thought this was only so you wouldn’t get caught. You wouldn’t be able to bear his rejection, especially while having to play his wife and be the object of his affection. His friendship had also turned into one of your most cherished ones. You knew you could always come to him and the many days being forced to share your living space made you closer than imagined.  

“Yeah,” he coughed dropping his hands so fast it was like your waist was burning his fingers. An awkward tension surrounded you as you walked home. His fingers brushed against yours on several occasions and you wanted nothing more than for him to grab your hand, but instead, his fingers recoiled every time, like you were once again burning him.

It seemed like the moment was quickly forgotten by the two of you with everything returning to normal the next morning. The night before, you went to bed with space between you, and after having gotten used to skin-on-skin contact, it felt awkward and almost forced. Apparently, your bodies thought so, too. When you woke up you where cradled to his chest, your head tucked into the space between his neck and shoulder. You breathed in deeply, savouring it, knowing that soon the mission would come to an end and that lying in his arms would be gone. Bucky soon began stirring and you slowed your breath down to make him think you were still asleep.

He carefully nestled you out his grip, placing your head on the pillow. He sat still for a moment, presumably looking at you. He raised his arm and soon you felt his fingertips tracing over your features. They brushed against your lips a few times before eventually he eventually settled on caressing your cheek. With an almost inaudible sigh, he leant down placing a soft lingering kiss on your forehead. It took everything for you to not open your eyes, but you held it together only relaxing once you heard the shower being turned on. You groaned softly, a persistent question making itself at home in your mind. How were you supposed to survive being “his wife” while also keeping your feelings hidden?


	5. Chapter 5

Few seconds after you decided to get out of bed, the bathroom door opened. Bucky walked out, humming some melody, and only wearing a towel. Droplets fell from his hair, some wetting the floor, others landing on himself, trailing down his chest and further down his defined torso.

“Morning, doll,” he said walking inside, bending down to grab some clothes out of the drawer. Your cheeks flushed knowing he had caught you staring but it didn’t stop you from watching his back muscles ripple with each movement. 

“Morning,” you quickly jumped out of bed and hurried into the bathroom, not able to take him being virtually naked in the same room as you. 

You plopped down on the toilet, rubbing your eyes in an attempt to erase the picture from your brain. It proved pointless. You tried letting the water from the shower pour down on you to wash you clean, both physically and spiritually. It was also pointless. Were you just supposed to forget everything that happened last night? Even if it would drive you crazy, it probably was the best idea. The fear of him rejecting you won but you knew that you also still were on a mission which had its significance. 

You got dressed as slowly as possible, delaying the inevitable of going downstairs and facing him. You did, however, know that you couldn’t put it off forever. Your heels clicked as you walked down the stairs, holding onto the railing tightly.

He was sitting at the dining room table reading the newspaper. He was wearing the blue sweater you got for him last week when shopping in town. He paired it with a pair of snug jeans, that you knew fit his buttocks very well (you might have been staring at every possible moment). 

Weekends were always relaxing and it had become a tradition that you cooked a full English breakfast for the two of you. Bucky had let it slip once that he’d only had it around two times before, but that it was his current favourite. Ever since that, you decided you would treat him. 

You began rustling around the kitchen and soon a delicious smell spread out into the house. You carefully positioned each different bit on the plate, giving Bucky a slightly bigger portion. You brought them out to the dining table and he wordlessly got up and retrieved the cutlery and two glasses. 

You could tell he appreciated the meal as he almost gulped it all down in one bite. 

“Hungry, huh?” you said amused smirking over the rim of your glass. 

“Starving.” He said returning to eating again. 

You sat your glass down turning your attention to the book next to you. Your hand jittered across the wood until it was stopped by Bucky’s hand. You had formed a habit of spelling out the words that you found especially interesting but at the moment it was just tapping an irregular beat. Bucky had commented on it once saying that he found it adorable but also immensely distracting. 

He didn’t look up from his newspaper as he intertwined your fingers. You knew he was trying to convey how great the food was and squeezed his hand in response.

You both continued reading your respective materials, still holding hands with Bucky’s thumb stroking a calming rhythm on your skin. 

***

The bugs you had placed didn’t give you much information on whatever item Daniel had been given. He had arrived home and the only sound that was heard was rustling of a jacket and the crinkling of paper. None of it was of use to you.

Perhaps, you could lure some details out of them at the annual Christmas party held tonight. 

It seemed like this town was fond of getting its residents out of their houses and in a place where they could all be gathered. No one complained, of course, this was a prime place for their nosy appetites to be fed. 

You slipped on the red gown you bought specifically for this event and a pair of ankle strap heels. The material swirled around your legs with each step down the stairs. 

Bucky who was waiting for you downstairs turned around the moment he heard you coming. His eyebrows raised in awe and he was at a loss for words. He bit his lip thinking of what to say. 

“You look gorgeous,” he quickly regained his ability to speak and trailed his eyes over the dress. 

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” you smiled also glancing at his body. He was wearing a black suit with a red tie, that coincidentally matched the colour of your dress. You walked closer, ignoring your pumping heartbeat, and fixed his tie. You didn’t notice his eyes lingering on your lips or how hard he swallowed as your fingers brushed against his neck. You were only focused on how close you were and that you could smell his intoxicating aroma. You finished patting him on the chest a few times, letting your hands rest on his muscular chest feeling him breathe in deeply. 

“Shall we?” He asked giving you his arm. You nodded letting him escort you out to the car. 

***

They had gone out all with the decorations. The exterior was lit up with plenty of lights and other decorations that also lit up. The inside was no better. A huge tree stood in the middle almost covered entirely by decorations, huge bulbs, garland and, of course, more lights. A huge table stood to the side with great looking appetizers and glasses of alcohol.

The place was filled to the brim, it seemed like everybody had taken advantage of having a night without worries and a place that served free food and alcohol, for their pleasure. People stood talking to each other around the room but still made space for the dancing couples filling the middle of the room. 

You walked around for a few minutes together before splitting up to socialise.

You went around to talking to the people you had gotten to know during your weeks here, before stumbling across Amy and Daniel. 

“Hi,” you exclaimed returning Amy’s hug and giving Daniel a huge smile. 

“Hi, dear. Where’s your darling husband?” Amy asked gesturing to the empty space beside you. 

“Right here,” Bucky popped up from behind leaning forward to give her a kiss on the cheek and Daniel a handshake. 

You grabbed his arm and pulled him close to you once he returned to your side, feeling oddly protective after observing how Amy was staring.

You exchanged pleasantries with them before they excused themselves to talk to some friends they hadn’t seen for a long time. 

As they walked away, you made your way out onto the dance floor, clasping your hands around his neck, his hands placed on your waist. This reminded you awfully much of the night before and his warm breath sweeping over your neck wasn’t helping. 

“I don’t think they suspect we know anything,” He said watching them out of the corner of his eye. They hadn’t let anything slip, but they also didn’t seem to think you knew anything. 

“We just need to figure out what it was that Daniel received,” you added, looking into his eyes, swaying back and forth in time to the music, looking like every other couple out on the floor. 

He stared back, unknown emotions swimming in his eyes that changed at a rate that made them impossible to figure out. 

Time seemed to slow down as you steadily moved closer. The grip on your waist tightened as your lips were about to meet. The moment, however, was interrupted as the DJ changed the song and exclaimed loudly that it was “time to jump around.” You both nearly jumped away from each other, not quite what you thought the DJ had in mind but stopped yourself at the last moment knowing people could be watching. You couldn’t blow your cover, so you stayed close even if it killed you to do so. An awkward tension filled the space again, and as you rested your chin on his shoulder you couldn’t help but think: Maybe, this just wasn’t meant to be.


	6. Chapter 6

The Christmas party brought no new information but plenty of drama. 

You split ways after the song finished; Bucky left to get drinks and you went to the toilet. You threw a glance back and watched him engage in conversation with some colleagues as if nothing had happened. Oh, how you wished you could do the same. 

You made your way to the empty bathroom stopping in front of the mirror to inspect your flustered state. Except for your flushed cheeks, nothing about your appearance showed the frazzled state of your mind. Never in your life would you have thought you would spend days wondering about a guy’s feelings for you. You were used to being forward, but usually, you were also completely positive about where they were standing with you. With Bucky, every sign had to be questioned. Was it for the mission or a genuine sign of affection? Being fake married made everything ten times harder. 

You spent a few minutes inside the bathroom trying to calm your racing heart and thoughts before leaving. You immediately wished you hadn’t or that you could erase the sight that met you. 

Hands in hair. Hands on the waist. Bodies pressed tightly together. Lips locked. 

You thought the evening couldn’t get worse, but oh, how wrong you were. Amy had Bucky pressed up against the wall, kissing him like her life depended on it. You couldn’t see his face but that was probably for the best. You wouldn’t be able to watch his face filled with pleasure. 

Involuntary tears filled your eyes as you hurried away. How could you be foolish enough to believe he wanted to kiss you? You should have seen the signs - you were supposed to be trained for this. This didn’t seem like Bucky but in your anger and heartbreak, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was the smirk you could imagine on Amy’s face and her voice taunting you, “ _He will never love you_." 

How had the evening come to this? 

***

The slam of the bathroom door brought Bucky out of his stupor. He had gone searching for you when he got ambushed by Amy. She cornered him as he frantically looked for you - looked for an escape. He needed to get away. He rejected all her attempts but she didn’t mind. At last, she grabbed him pushing her body onto him. He grabbed her waist instinctively only pushing her away the moment he realised her lips felt wrong. Nevertheless, it was too late. He watched the back of your figure running away before he could even react. 

"What the hell?" 

Amy grinned trailing a hand down in chest, "I’ve seen how you look at me and frankly I’m not surprised when you’ve got that  _hideous_   _beast_  of a wife. It must be tough to know you could have gotten someone so much better.”

His eyebrows furrowed in anger brushing her hand away, “Don’t you dare talk about her like that. She is the most beautiful person on this earth. And even if she wasn’t, I would still love her. ‘Cause you know what, it’s what on the inside that counts.” He ran a hand through his hair trying to brush the feeling of Amy’s hands away. 

“She’s beautiful on both the inside and outside, something I see  _you_  struggle with.” He turned to leave but stopped a few steps away. “and if anyone is a ‘ _hideous beast’_  it’s you." 

The smirk that had adorned her face slipped off and she watched him walk away with cold eyes. 

***

You couldn’t wait for the day to be over. Bucky had the keys to the car so walking home was your only option. Your emotions seemed to affect the weather, only a minute after you stepped out it started pouring down. Your tears mixed with the rain and together they streamed down your face. 

You were drenched by the time you got home. Exhaustion filled your bones and after a hot shower, you were out cold. 

You didn’t hear Bucky come home or his heart break as he observed the way you curled into yourself facing the wall instead of him. 

The next morning when you woke up, you wondered briefly why you couldn’t feel the warmth of Bucky 'til all the memories of last night hit you. 

He was curled on up on his side, his hand stretched towards your side like it was reaching for you. 

You shook the thought away. He didn’t like you and most importantly didn’t have to like you. It was hard to remember at times but you weren’t actually his and he wasn’t yours. You didn’t have the right to feel betrayed but it didn’t stop you. With one last longing glance, you left the room to start cooking breakfast. 

You felt his presence before he made himself known. His footsteps were light but his aftershave rolled into the room like waves. It was a mixture of cinnamon and nutmeg with a hint of wood. It was very calming but the underlying scent of him was what made it perfect. Your inside ached with sadness and the feeling of loss. His scent brought back memories of happier times; cuddling in bed, holding hands and  _kissing_ …

He quietly grabbed some plates placing them on the table. Something you had learned about Bucky was that he was good at reading moods. He could probably already tell from last night that the atmosphere had changed, and therefore he didn’t try to give you your morning cheek kiss. 

Breakfast was eaten in silence only interrupted by an unfamiliar ringtone. Bucky was just as confused before a light of recognition was cast on his face. He came back into the room holding a sleek silver phone. 

He answered your silent question, "I pickpocketed this out of Amy’s bag last night.”

The sound of her name coming out his lips reminded you of what took place last night and how she was locked tight to those lips. 

You hide all emotions behind a carefully placed wall only letting curiosity be known. 

“Let me have a look.” You held your hand out purposely not touching his hands as you grabbed the phone. A part of you wanted to smash the phone into a thousand pieces but another part knew it would be much more satisfying to bring her down for good. 

“I gotta go to work but let me know what you find out.” He hesitatingly leant forward before ultimately deciding against it. 

The house felt empty once he left. 

***

The phone sat on the table taunting you as you washed the plates clean. Finally, enough was enough and you brought out your computer ready to hack into the phone. 

It didn’t take long to crack the passcode but once you were in came the difficult stuff. Every message and e-mail was written in code.  

 _Great_ ,  _I need to decode it all, too. This will take some time._

You ran it through a program SHIELD had provided you with hoping it could find some patterns. Luckily, you didn’t need to do it yourself or else this would have taken much longer. 

About an hour later a  _ping_  notified you it was done decoding. It took you some time to search through the hundreds of messages and e-mails for relevant bits but you managed to find some interesting pieces of information.

It seemed the weapon was some sort of biological weapon that would infect people with an unknown disease. They would negotiate with the cure in turn for more power and the ability to operate freely on American ground. The only thing missing was when and where this would take place. 

An hour later a message popped into her phone and was soon decoded.  _Shit_ , you thought as you read it. 

_The attack will be exucuted tomorrow at 5 PM. Be ready._

You needed to hurry up and find the cure. It would do nothing to find the weapon as they probably could make more at the matter of no time. The cure was your best hope. 

You would have to break in today and right now. The Williams were currently out on their weekly grocery shopping trip, so now would be the perfect time to slip in and out. 

You didn’t have time to wait for Bucky to get home. By the time he would be back, so would they, and your chances would be ruined. No, you had to go in on your own. Besides, it wasn’t like you weren’t trained for this. What could go wrong?


	7. Chapter 7

Noises drifted in and out of your ears. Mumbled voices. Clinking sounds. Everything felt blurry. Where were you? 

Your head was throbbing and your wrists and feet were tightly bound. Trying to trick your capturers, you let your eyes stay closed. Trying to figure out what they were saying was more difficult.

_(Hurry… Painful… More….)_

Their footsteps ascended up the stairs minutes later, and you carefully cranked one eye open. The dull light felt blinding, and you immediately squeezed your eyelids together trying to ignore the pain behind your eyes. What in the hell had happened?

You opened your eyes once again, letting them adjust to the light. Memories rushed back as you observed your surroundings.

_***_

_The Williams had forgotten to close a window so you easily slipped inside. From your earlier visit, you already knew where to start. The door was, of course, locked but that was no problem for you. In seconds you had the door open into … an office?._

_Huh. There must be something in here that could lead to the cure._

_It took some time but you finally figured it out. By removing a certain book, the entire bookcase shifted revealing a secret door. Classic. You hurried downstairs finding a basement full of vials of a clear substance._

_That must be the weapon, you thought. I need to find the cure._

_That was the last thing you remembered before everything went black._

***

Shit. You needed to get out of the ropes fast before they came back.

In her hasty search for weapons, Amy had missed the various small knives hidden on your body. By wriggling your arm, the small knife hidden on your forearm slid into your hand and you were able to cut into the rope.

Unluckily, a pair of footsteps descended the stairs before you could finish. You quickly dropped your head, hiding the rope in your hands, and pretended to still be unconscious.

“Wake up!” A harsh slap landed on your cheek throwing your head to the side. “Can’t sleep all day, princess.”

Amy stood slightly hunched over you sporting a sickening smirk.

“Imagine my surprise, ” she straightened up once she saw you open your eyes, “when I found my  _sweet_   _friend_ snooping around in our house.”

“You see, I thought, you were more clever than this. I mean, stealing my phone wasn’t your smartest move but breaking and entering?” she laughed, “How stupid can you be?”

“Despite your cute attempt to ruin our mission,” she smiled once again cracking her knuckles, “you are the one tied up in our basement and I’m are standing here free. And believe me, I don’t wanna stay in this town for a second longer than I have to.”

“But enough of the small talk,” she crouched in front of you, her face turning serious, “Who do you work for?”

You stared back at her, making no attempt to answer. 

She repeated her question, getting more and more agitated.

“Alright, if that’s how you wanna do it.” She stood back up and delivered a powerful blow to your cheek. She hunched forward, “How about now?”

You pretended to consider it for a moment before spitting the blood that had pooled in your mouth onto her face. You had been trained for moments like these and a simple punch wasn’t gonna get you to crack. Even if you hadn’t had training, you wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. 

“You’ll pay for that, bitch,” she cursed brushing it off.

Ah, it might have angered her more, but it was totally worth it. 

“You know, I’m really starting to wonder why your husband married you in the first place.” she wiped her hands on her trousers, “You haven’t really got much to offer. You aren’t beautiful. Your attitude and behaviour are downright  _nasty_." 

"That might be why,” her smirk turned sweet, “he kissed me.”

You willed your face to stay emotionless, she didn’t need to know how much it hurt to think of it. It had taken you sometime to reach the conclusion that she had forced him and you would like for it to stay that way. That was the only way you could deal with it. However, that didn’t mean it hurt less thinking about it. 

“I gotta say, he has the softest lips,” she sighed, “and that tongue? Just wow,” she bragged. “I can just imagine that tongue doing its wonders other pl-”

The thought of that vile woman kissing Bucky made you angry, but the thought of them entangled in the sheets had you seething in your seat. 

“Fuck you!" 

She laughed, "Ah, that gets you talking. It’s funny, that he hasn’t noticed you’re gone. Maybe he doesn’t care about you. I mean, are you even married for real? I’ll happily take him, might even stay  _here_  for him,” she taunted.

“Fuck. You.” you spit, “Why are you even doing all of this? It doesn’t seem like you want to.”

“Ha! You got that right. At least you can manage to do something.” She turned around throwing her arms out, “You see all of this?”

She didn’t wait for an answer, “this holds the power to give me everything I want. I was promised riches and a comfortable life, if I, well Daniel, created this and spread it to the nation.”

“You’re sick.”

“No, I’m not, “ She turned back around, “but hundreds of people will soon be, when we release this into a train. It takes some time for the disease to affect the person and before they realise it, they will have spread it to hundreds of others in the cities. Luckily for us, it takes about 2 hours before the disease goes airborne and by then we will already be gone.” she grinned manically.

This mission was really not going as you expected.

“Anyways, where were we? Ah, right, we could talk some more about your handsome husband or we could talk about your employers? It’s your choice,” she said smiling.

***

You had no idea how long you had been down in the basement. After Amy’s interrogation that gave her no information, she went mental, beating the crap out of you eventually rendering you unconscious again. 

You felt exhausted and regretted immensely not telling Bucky where you went. You wish you could turn back time to before the Christmas party, and just convince him to stay at home that one night. That would have changed everything. Your relationship had taken several steps backwards, not that it was that far ahead, anyways. You were doomed to have a unrequited love. 

Despite the physical and mental aching, you managed to cut the ropes off. Amy and Daniel took no note of you as they were conferring with each other a few meters away. Just as you were planning an escape route, the door to the basement flew down the stairs.

You almost cried in relief when you saw your saviour. Bucky had foregone his suit and came down the stairs carrying firearms. He looked frightening, his glare was enough to scare the toughest assassins. Amy and Daniel immediately went into hiding, grabbing their own guns.

Bucky’s eyes went wide as he took in your frazzled appearance and for a moment he forgot he was standing in enemy territory. You frantically cut the ropes of your feet, catching the gun he threw your way. 

You locked eyes and let him know what you wanted. Bucky could deal with Daniel, you wanted Amy for yourself.

You could see her hiding behind a desk trying desperately to finish something. The bullet rain had stopped as Bucky engaged in close combat, so you could easily slip up to her.

“Hi bitch,” you grinned holding the gun to her face. Instead of answering, she surprised you by reaching out and sending you onto the floor.

The gun fell a few feet away and as she moved to get it, you stomped your foot on her fingers. She wasn’t winning that easily. 

You had to admit she was good at fighting, but she hadn’t been taught by Natasha. You moved into position, getting ready for her signature move. You grabbed her oncoming fist, swinging your legs around her neck and brought her down to the floor.

“How do you like me now?” you smirked at the pain in her expression. Time for her to get some of her own medicine. 

A loud yell came from across the room and you looked just in time for Bucky to throw his knockout punch landing Daniel flat to the ground. 

Amy took notice of your attention shift and brought up a knee to your head that threw you off balance. She scrambled up and before Bucky could reach you, she had you strapped. She grinned triumphantly as she held the syringe up, “Bye bye, princess.”

She jammed the syringe down into your neck before she was kicked off you. 

“Stay the hell away from her,” Bucky growled as he towered over her.

“Oh, calm down loverboy. It’s not like she will die, oh wait” she gasped, “she will.” She started laughing hysterically. 

“I even added a little something extra to it and let me tell you a secret.” she started whispering, “There’s no cure!” She began laughing again. 

You couldn’t take her talking for a minute more and ripped the syringe out of your neck before you decked her.

"Sleep tight, ‘princess’”

She fell to the floor, still wearing a small smile. You resisted the urge to punch it away, instead looking up at Bucky.

“You’re hurt,” he said stepping closer inspecting the bruises. His fingers reached out before stopping half ways. 

“It’s nothing I haven’t felt befo-” your vision went blurry as the world started spinning around. 

“Hey, are you okay?” he took a step forward, hands lifted ready to steady you.

“I’m fine, seriousl-” your eyes rolled back at the same time and you lost consciousness.

“Y/N?” Bucky grabbed you before you fell to the floor. He held your unconscious body, panic running through him. 

“Y/N!”


	8. Chapter 8

Bucky wasn’t a patient man but for you, he tried. He tried when he was waiting for the helicopter to come pick you up and bring you to SHIELD’S medical unit. He tried when they were rolling you away on a bed into a room he wasn’t allowed. He tried extra hard when Bruce came to update him on the situation but alas his breaking point came he was told that they still weren’t sure what was injected into your body. 

“What do you mean you don’t know? She’s been in there for hours,” His jaw clenched as he shouted at the poor man, “What have you been doing in there? Fluffing her pillow? Looking at cat videos?” He stabbed his finger hard into Bruce’s chest making him take a step back. 

“Wow, buddy, let’s calm down,” Steve intervened directing Bucky to a seat. 

“It’s not his fault. He’s trying to help,” Steve asserted as Bucky slumped down in his seat. Bruce nodded thankfully, glad that Steve was there to calm the situation. 

“I know,” He buried his face in his hands and whispered,”I’m scared, Steve.” 

Steve hadn’t expected that. Bucky’s history still had its grip on him and him opening up wasn’t something that happened often. Hearing him talking about you and admit his fear, made Steve realise how serious this was. He was in love with you. 

He hadn’t expected this to happen for a long time. Given Bucky’s history, Steve had put love of the picture for the next years. He’d admit that he at first tried to get the ‘old playboy Bucky’ back but it took a stern talk with you for him to realise that was impossible. He had put his own nostalgia and wish for the past on Bucky and when he hadn’t lived up to that, he felt distanced and like he was wronged. 

So, he worked hard to fix his own faults and get to know the ‘new Bucky’. Turns out, he still had much to learn given the newly learned information. It would take a lot to get Bucky to admit something of this calibre but you had somehow managed to crack his hard exterior. How you did, bewildered him, but he let it slide as he watched his distressed best friend fall apart right in front of his eyes

***

Flashbacks flew through your mind as a fever raged through your body. Memories from childhood to adulthood flashed before your eyes. Is this what dying is like, you pondered. It had never really occurred to you that death could be a possibility.

You would miss life. The past weeks, even with all its hardships, had contained some great moments. Despite the incident at the Christmas party and other subsequent moments, you still held onto your feelings for Bucky. Nothing could have prepared you for how incredible living with him was. You discovered sides of him you would never have found and the little things that made him unique.

It would be a shame if all that went to waste, even if you weren’t sure of his feelings for you. The whole mission with its fake-dating had been a game of uncertainty. Each time you played a card and felt sure about the end game, he changed the rules.

However, you wouldn’t have backed out of the game even with the knowledge you have now of how it ended. 

***

Bruce Banner was a clever man, he had gotten multiple Ph.Ds including one in Biochemistry by working hard. He was struggling to keep the rage under control as the chemicals inside the syringe continued to taunt him with their unknownness. He had absolutely no idea what they were currently doing to your body and it infuriated him. He had no way of helping you. 

“She’s seizing!” The doctors and nurses worked quickly to turn you onto your side making sure you were breathing. 

Bruce heard the commotion and watched as they stabilised you. You looked dreadful. A grey shine laid upon your skin, the bags under your eyes looked as though they were from punches and you almost felt translucent. It certainly wasn’t the same woman he had seen only a weeks ago. 

You had brought him coffee and sandwich to the lab knowing how lost he would get in work. It was nice to have someone care and know they did.  He often felt as if he was overlooked and that he was only needed as the Hulk. He was used as a last resort and all his other work was ignored. Although there had been small pats on the back of reassurance from the others, none had given it consistently like you. 

Watching you fighting for your life brought back a renewed determination. He wouldn’t let you die on his watch, not if he could prevent it. 


	9. Chapter 9

A single seizure rarely caused comas but continuous seizures could produce a state so severe that it prevented the brain from recovering and thus slip into a coma.

That’s what Bucky was told by the doctors. His heart pumping incredibly fast and hands turning clammy, the minute they walked out the door and started to explain your current state. He had been waiting for almost a day for an update and when it finally came, the resulting feelings were a mix of relief and worry. 

The relief came from the news that you had been cured. Bruce had managed to figure out the chemicals and their workings and had promptly created an antidote. They weren’t sure if you would have any lasting problems caused by the poison but at the moment it didn’t look that way.

The news they gave, however, weren’t only satisfactory. You had slipped into a coma and they weren’t sure when you would wake up. He was hesitant to even think of the worst outcome; that you wouldn’t wake up at all. It brought chills to his body and a nauseous feeling crept up his throat at the mere thought. 

“You are allowed to see her, sir.” A nurse gently laid her hand on his arm and escorted him down to your room. His body reacted without thinking the moment he saw you lying in the hospital bed. In seconds he was beside you, eyes taking in your condition. 

He almost collapsed into the strategically positioned chair next to you, still taking in everything that had happened in the last 24 hours. The sight of you made him realise that it wasn’t a dream and that you really were hurt. 

The guilt that had already been eating at him grew larger, as he realised how much at fault he was. He should have known that getting Amy’s phone and decoding it was more important than a trivial work day, and to make matters worse it wasn’t even for his real job. He should also have known that you would have reacted as you did to finding crucial information. He should have been there beside you, he should have protected you - and he didn’t. 

He arrived late, too late, to a sight that would haunt him for months. You were tied to a chair, head hanging down, bruises littering your body. For a split second his mind went to a dark corner but the thought was forgotten as you lifted your head. He caught your eyes and recognised the painful look swimming inside. He had gone through experiences that caused a similar look before and knowing that you had been hurt started a fire inside him, a hideous raging fire that would burn down everything in its way. If he could go back in time and bring the pain onto himself, he would. It was an easy decision to make. 

If he hadn’t promised you to not kill unnecessarily, he would have abandoned all discipline and morality to revenge you. He had gotten lost in his rage as he fought Daniel completely forgetting the other threat in the room. It was too late when he came back to his senses, the syringe’s content had already been injected into you. His finger had twitched for his gun, but he settled for a hard kick to Amy’s side, knocking her head harshly into the floor. She fell unconscious and he shifted his attention to you, his focus would first and foremost be on you. He had failed to keep you safe, something he had vowed to do.

He had failed and now he was sitting in a hospital room next to a comatose you. 

His shakily brought his hand up to brush a fallen hair out of your face, palm cradling your cheek as his trembling thumb caressed your face.

“I am so sorry,” he whispered, voice cracking with each syllable. “Forgive me.”

_***_

_Everything was perfect._

_You lived in your dream house with the love of your life; you literally had everything you had ever wished for._

_“Doll, I’m home!”  
_

_You smiled as you heard Bucky calling for you, instantly walking to meet him. He stood in front of the door, shrugging his coat off to reveal a blue sweater nicely fit around his toned body._

_He flashed a smile as you walked into his embrace, you held him tightly sighing contently at the familiar smell._

_“Forgive me,” he said as he pulled out of the hug.  
_

_You frowned, fingers falling off the sweater, and took a step back in confusion. “What?”_

_“I said, I love you.” He pecked your lips, grabbing your hand and pulling you deeper into the house. You immediately forgot the words, entranced by the story he had begun telling.  
_

***

“I brought you a sandwich from the cafeteria,” Steve said, his voice bringing Bucky out of his thoughts. He plopped down onto the extra chair that had been brought in and set the sandwich on the small table placed next to the bed. He glanced at your unconscious body, sighing as Bucky informed him nothing had changed in the hours he had spent with you. 

He took notice of Bucky’s dishevelled state, his hair was unruly and it looked as though his fingers had been running through it for the better part of his visit. The hand that wasn’t clutching yours tightly, drummed erratically against the armrest, almost as if he hoped that it would speed up your recovery.

“Sir, you have been requested to come to the meeting room.” A nervous looking man knocked on the door, his eyes meeting Steve’s with an apprehensive look as if he was afraid to get reprimanded for being here. 

Steve only nodded, his hand grabbing Bucky’s shoulder as he got up, showing he was here for him. Bucky gave a slight nod and Steve took that as a sign that it was alright for him to leave. He cast one last glance back before taking the last step out the door. His heart ached with sympathy as he heard Bucky whisper, “Come back to me,” and placing a small kiss on your palm. 

_***_

_You ran into the living room, shrieking in delighted fear as you heard thundering footsteps closing in on you. Arms caught your waist with ease mid-run and held you close._

_“You can’t get away from me, doll,” he pressed kisses against your throat and all resistance melted away.  
_

_“That’s not fair,” you murmured spinning around to meet his eyes.  
_

_“Come back to me,” he said, a hand coming up to cradle your face, mouth reaching for yours. You half-closed eyes opened in confusion, “Huh?”  
_

_He stepped impossibly closer, mouth touching your earlobe as he whispered, “I never play fair.”_

_Fingers immediately fell to your stomach, finding the spots he knew were most ticklish. You screamed in surprise, laughter falling from your lips like a waterfall. You scrambled to get away and a new hunt began as laughter filled the house._

***

Bucky appreciated the concern that people felt for him, however, he would prefer if he could give it to you instead. He used to love the spotlight but recent events had changed that part of him and the insistent questioning was enough to drive him mad, although it did seem a fair punishment for his abandonment of you. 

He knew he looked a mess but leaving you wasn’t an option he felt optional. Days may have passed but that also meant that your status still was unknown, and he would be damned if he wasn’t here when your eyes fluttered open. 

The bruises on your face had turned into a deep purple colour, as they started to heal. He could find a sense of relief as the pain you would be feeling was hindered by the coma, one of the only upsides to the situation. Bruce had told him to talk to you, it was possible that you could hear every word spoken and that it could bring you back, so now he spent most of his time telling you stories of his own and stories that involved the many moments you had spent together. 

His fingers played idly with yours as he got lost in the memories. He remembered your laughter and the soft smiles he would get in the evening in front of the TV after he cracked a joke. 

“I’m begging you. Please wake up,” he wouldn’t be able to bear many more days as you lay unconscious missing life as it passed by. 

Your fingers squeezed his, albeit loosely, but it was enough to catch his attention. Bucky stared at your intertwined fingers, daring not to believe it was true and not his own imagination but when it happened again, he called out excitedly for the nurse. 

“You can do this! I’m right here, Y/N” He squeezed back, a hopeful look settling on his face. 

_***_

_“Are you coming to bed with me?” Bucky pushed himself up from the sofa, tearing his tired eyes off the TV onto you.  
_

_“I’ll be up in a sec,” you responded giving him a brief smile. He returned it ending it with a yawn and left the living room  
_

_You returned your attention to the TV watching as a talk show began, quickly becoming captured. The host began questioning when suddenly the TV started flickering. You grabbed the remote, cursing under your breath as you tried to fix it. You looked back up to find the flickering gone but something else wrong instead.  
_

_The host had changed appearance and sitting in their place was Bucky. You rubbed your eyes, tying it off to exhaustion, but it was still Bucky’s face showcased on the TV._

_“Y/N,” he said calmly looking directly into the camera almost as if he could see you, “Wake up.”  
_

_You were awake, weren’t you? Was this all a dream? You shook your head, ridding yourself of the silly thoughts. A slight temptation to pinch yourself was also thrown out. You would know if you weren’t awake. You grabbed the remote turning the channel off, deciding to join Bucky._

_The TV flickered on the moment you pushed yourself off the sofa._

_“Wake up!” Bucky’s face grew steadily more anxious, his voice rising in volume and importance._

_The wallpaper started to peel off and revealed black spaces instead of the existing walls. The floorboards started disappearing one by one and you scrambled onto the sofa, head swimming dizzily._

_One by one everything turned black and as the last remaining object disappeared you fell into the blackness, disappearing too._

***

The small victory put hope into Bucky’s heart but after days passed with only small reactions it had been doused. The doctors had told him that there was a good chance that you would wake up soon but he didn’t see any reason to believe them. His once straight back slumped again, and he even let Steve convince him to take a shower and leave the room for a while. 

You were still asleep when he came back and he slumped down into the seat that nearly was shaped to fit his body after the countless hours spent on it. His hand reached for yours immediately, no thought behind it, finding the comfort of being near you and touching your skin calming. 

You had spent enough time here that the bruises were nearly gone, only a slight discolouration showing the passing event. He could almost fool himself into thinking you looked serene, lying there with no care in the world.

He wished he could feel the same. With each passing day, his worry grew and it became noticeably more difficult for Steve to cheer him up. The taunting voices inside his head voices rose in volume and it was harder to tune them out. 

_I’ll never forgive you._

_Why didn’t you save me?_

_This is all your fault._

Admittedly the voice speaking was most often yours. 

“Wake up,” he stared pleadingly at you hoping you could hear him. The words did nothing significant to you but he could feel something snap inside. 

“Wake up!” He was almost screaming at you now. He couldn’t bear to see you in here for another moment, wasting away. “Please,” he whispered, a small tear falling from his cheek onto your fingers. 

Unbeknownst to him, your eyes had opened and were roaming around the room slowly trying to grasp the situation. Your fingers shook slightly attempting to squeeze his, which captured his attention. 

His eyes flew up to yours praying that his wish had been granted. His eyes met yours, glassy and unfocused. He felt faint, this was all he hoped for for weeks and it finally came true; you were awake. 


	10. Chapter 10

The comfortable blackness suddenly turned into a blinding sharp white light as you squintingly opened your eyes. An unfamiliar room welcomed you with its white walls and space void of objects except a TV hanging on the wall opposite you. 

Questions flashed through your mind as quickly as it allowed them. Where were you? What happened to Amy and Daniel? More importantly, what about Bucky? A single thought took twice as long to be processed, it felt like every thought was weighed down. 

Your eyes flickered to your left side as a splash of something wet caught your attention. You immediately recognised the person holding your hand as tears splattered on your fingers. 

_Bucky._

Your fingers shook with effort as you tried to squeeze his hand, hoping it would get his attention, and perhaps stop his crying. You couldn’t bear to watch him cry. His head flew up instantly, red-rimmed eyes searching for yours, relief swimming in them as he found them open. 

“Hi,” you croaked, vocal cords dry from not having used them in a while. 

“Hi.” He breathed out, a disbelieving smile on his face. He sat there for a moment just taking it all in, relief clear on his face. His hands continuously brushed his cheeks free of fallen tears, however, this time they were happy. 

“Where are we?”

The simple question made him turn his head away, eyes leaving yours as he grimaced. 

“SHIELD’S medical unit.” He almost forced the words out, guilt dancing all over his face. 

“What happened? Where are Amy and Daniel?” You frowned asking some of the many questions floating around in your head. 

“Don’t worry about them,” his hands clenched as his eyes narrowed, “We took care of them.” The look he gave you made it clear, that he didn’t want any further questions. 

“Why are we here?” You obliged his demand, only to back him into a corner, making him answer the one question he didn’t want to. 

“It was my fault.” he bit his lip, “I should have been there.” He rubbed his neck looking down to the floor. “I didn’t know she had the syringe. I should have known. I should have been there from the start.” He started rambling, almost scolding himself with every word. 

Even as you found no truth in his words, he did manage to open the door to the memory of having the syringe jammed into you.  _Bitch._  

“You couldn’t have known,” you frowned shaking your head slightly, “I didn’t tell you I was going there. It was a miracle you even found me! It wasn’t your fault.”

You caught his eyes, trying to make him see you genuinely believed it. He didn’t deserve to have more guilt weighing him down. He nodded, still not fully believing you, but wanting to focus on the fact that you were alive. 

“Oh,” he nearly jumped in his seat, a thought dawning on him. “I’ll go get a nurse, they told me to call when you woke.” He squeezed your fingers, only tearing his fingers away when it was absolutely necessary.

The fact that you were awake still felt incomprehensible, and even more the fact that you didn’t blame him for your stay here. Leaving your side, made him fear that it was only a dream and that you would still be unconscious when he came back, but he only knew that that was foolish. 

A small smile even adorned his face as he went about searching for a nurse. No matter the confused looks he was met by, he still wore it proudly. Only he knew, that it meant that you were awake, or more importantly just because of you. 

He hadn’t realised before he was denied your personality and attention, just how much he missed you. He missed the nights spent on the couch simply talking as he got watch you ramble on about your interests. The glint in your eyes as you spoke, hands moving all over the place and the small smile that danced on your lips was what made him fall in love with you. He hadn’t realised that it affected him deeply until he had to watch you lie unconscious before him, no sound of laughter or cheesy jokes, only pure silence.

Admittedly, it took weeks before he, himself, reached this conclusion. However, once the thought came he immediately knew it as the truth. Simple as that. No other, option, was logical or even imaginable. He could no longer hide from himself with you around. 

***

“Hey,” Bruce popped his head in through the slightly cracked door speaking tentatively.

You were propped up against the pillows, having regained some strength. “Hi, come in.”

“I just wanted to come and check in on you. How are you feeling?” He stood awkwardly at the end of your bed, only sitting after you patted the chair and gave him a stern look.

“I’m feeling better. The nurse gave me some pain medication but other than that I’m alright. Thanks to you, I heard?”

“Oh no, we were a team.” He had always been too humble for his own good. 

“Thank you,” you smiled reaching for his hand and giving it a small squeeze to show your appreciation.

His cheeks flushed slightly but he quickly regained his composure as he began updating you on the progress and re-explained some key points like the nurse had.

“Well, I’d better leave you to rest. I’ll come check in again later, gotta keep track of your levels, too.” He gave you a reassuring smile before walking back out. It calmed him to know you were alright despite the horrific situation. 

He was nearly halfway down the hallway when he got stopped by Bucky.

“Hey man, I just wanna thank you for saving her back there… It means a lot.” Bucky awkwardly lifted his hand and clapped his shoulder twice before leaving.

All Bruce could do was stand and watch his disappearing figure, astonished by this turn in his character. He was reminded of an earlier conversation with Steve - You really must have made an impact on him.

***

“How are you feeling?” Bucky stepped inside holding a white plastic bag, a cheeky glint dancing in his eyes.

He knew that that was all you had been asked the last two days you had been confined in this room. It was nice of people to come by but by the fifth question of ‘how are you?’, it got annoying.

You rolled your eyes, turning the TV off to give him all your attention.

“What’s that?” You pointed at the bag, choosing to ignore his comment. 

He sat down on the seat that now seemed to belong to him, given the many days he had spent on it. Bruce hadn’t spared you the details of how distraught Bucky had been during your stay here. You just couldn’t figure out why he would have been, except the unnecessary guilt. 

“Aren’t you a curious one?” He smirked putting the bag down on the table next to him, a delicious smell wafting out.

“Did you really?” you asked, excitement clear in your voice.

He only grinned, opening the top to let you have look. 

“Thank you!” A smile lit up on your face, his kindness and thoughtfulness warming. He actually snuck in a takeaway for you after hearing you complain about the disgusting hospital food they were giving you. He was too sweet.  

“I did talk to Bruce first, and he said it was alright if you had a little bit. So go ahead!”

You immediately dug in, both eating in comfortable silence. You could almost pretend, if it weren’t for the hospital bed and various tubes in your body, that you were at home enjoying dinner together. That time was over, as you sadly had realised. Days waking up to Bucky wrapped around you were gone. There would no longer be any more cheek kisses or fingers caressing yours. There would no longer be any affection between the two of you. You were only colleagues now.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Your eyes ran over Bucky’s face taking in all his features knowing soon that you split up and that your time was numbered. 

“Is something wrong?” He frowned, as you let his question go unanswered. His hand lifted to brush a piece of hair out of your face before he remembered it wasn’t acceptable anymore. 

“No,” you shook your head, “Nothing’s wrong.” You gave him a small smile hoping it would convince him. It seemed to, as he responded with a smile of his own and not another inquiry.

“Let’s watch a movie,” you changed the subject wanting to get away from the awful thoughts of knowing that his presence exuding comfort would soon be gone.

***

He took in the serene look on your face as you breathed calmly, lost in a dream. The earlier urge to caress your face was allowed as your watchful and judging eyes weren’t around. His hand caressed your cheekbones, fingers hesitantly brushing against your lips.

“Why do you make things so difficult,” he sighed dropping his hand to the bed accidentally touching yours. It seemed like he couldn’t get rid of you. Every sense of his was filled by you and he didn’t want it any other way. His hand grabbed yours, thumb caressing it before he brought it up to his lips pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles. 

Unbeknownst to him, the small action roused you from your sleep and you carefully cracked an eye open, finding him with closed eyes still holding your hand to his lips. 

“I don’t know how to say this - I’ve never had a reason to. I didn’t believe that this would happen. I’ve used to believe it was possible for me, but things changed. I changed. I don’t even know how, but you, somehow, came along and turned it all around,” he shook his head, lost in his thoughts. 

“I didn’t know it was possible. I didn’t know you were possible. But you are-” he stated, "-and it would impossible not to love you. So, being the coward I am, I choose to confess my love to you as you are sleeping, knowing that your denial and refusal would destroy me.“

There were no walls to hide behind with the words out in the open. It felt strangely therapeutic, letting the words that had been caged inside him out into the free. If he would only get to see you for a few moments every week, he would cherish them, knowing the alternative could be much worse. That thought was much to worse to even let it properly sink in. 

The feelings felt by the two of you were drastically different after his confession. Bucky felt slightly relieved and free, and you were in a frenzy of confusion. 

Had you heard him correctly? Did he really love you or were you simply dreaming up the words you wanted to hear? This was all you had wanted him to say for months and to finally hear it, sent you into a state of shock.

He dropped your hand, rubbing his eyes in frustration, seemingly contemplating leaving. Thinking quickly you reached for his hand, speaking the words you still feared he didn’t reciprocate.

"I love you.”

His body tensed up as you spoke. He thought you were asleep, and regret swam through him knowing you had heard every word. The words you spoke only seemed to sink in minutes later.

“You do?” He spun around faster than he had ever done before, eyes praying to find the answer it needed.

You sat up, hesitatingly agreeing, still fearing you had misheard him. “I do.”

A smiler wider than the Atlantic spread on his face as he laughed in disbelief. You loved him. It almost sounded foreign in his ears.

Without any thought, he neared you, hands holding your face for a moment as you took in each other. The moment you both had been waiting for, for ages, seemed to be here. No interruptions. No hesitation. You both wanted this.

His slightly chapped lips pressed against yours, sweetly. There was no urgency behind the kiss, simply passion and an exchange of once-hidden feelings. It was perfect.

“I love you,” he said hoarsely, pressing another small kiss against your lips. He leant his forehead against yours, both keeping your eyes closed for a few moments afterwards to savour the sweet feeling.

He loved you. 

You loved him. 

Who knew the mission, even with all its hardship, could end up causing as much joy as it did. You certainly didn’t. 

**Author's Note:**

> First story I'm posting on AO3! Hope you like it! You can find more stories on my Tumblr "s-writing-s" until I have them all transferred onto here :))


End file.
